Spare a thought for Boujis. Not all that many years ago, Andy Murray would, surely, have celebrated his Wimbledon success in the notorious South Kensington night club.
There was a time when Boujis was the place to be seen. Prince Harry was regularly photographed staggering out of Boujis' blue doors in the early hours of the morning. Rihanna, Cara Delevingne and Lady Gaga have also been spotted partying there.
But Murray, having dispatched Milos Raonic in straight sets on Wimbledon's centre court on Sunday afternoon, drank the night away in Mayfair's Drama nightclub. He was joined by his wife Kim Sears, members of One Direction and the rapper Young Thug.
In the time it takes to order a round of Jägerbombs, the party has moved on. So here is our guide to the trendiest nightclubs right now. If you manage to get into any of them, do let me know what they're like inside.
Where? 35 Hertford St, London
What? Exceptionally swanky VIP club from the team behind Cirque le Soir (see below). The official Facebook page warns: "Expect the loud. Expect the abnoxious. Expect DRAMA." I have absolutely no idea what "abnoxious" means, by the way. Expect everything but a dictionary, it seems
How much? If you want to book a table, there is a minimum spend of £500
Decor? Imagine... a modern art gallery curated by a tasteless oligarch, with a jewellery shop out the back
Who hangs out there? Well, obviously Wimbledon champion Andy Murray. But Rihanna was also seen leaving Drama earlier this year, as was One Direction's Niall Horan, who took his new girlfriend Celine Helene
Stay clear if... you're a footballer. Leicester City's Danny Drinkwater was turned away in March, along with teammates Andy King, Matty James and Ben Hamer
Has Lindsay Lohan visited? Yes
Cirque le Soir
Where? 15-21 Ganton St, London
What? Outrageous burlesque bar, opened in 2009. It is now "one of the most talked about clubs in the world", according to the website. And well it might be: there are nightly appearances from magicians, clowns, sword-swallowers, acrobats and dwarfs
How much? Lock up your credit cards, this particular circus is not cheap. A bottle of Cristal champagne is £1,000 but the real high-rollers buy the 30-litre, gold-plated Midas of Ace Of Spades champagne, which costs £120,000. Shall we not do rounds tonight, guys?
Decor? Imagine... if Shakespeare had co-written Titus Andronicus with William Burroughs
Who hangs out there? Just open up a celebrity directory at a random page and you'll find someone who's been to Cirque le Soir. To name but a few: Will.i.am, Bradley Cooper, Benedict Cumberbatch, Pixie Geldof, Miley Cyrus and Leonardo DiCaprio
Stay clear if... you're not 18 years old. The same should be said, of course, for every club but in 2013, 14-year-old Jaden Smith, son of actor Will Smith, was turned away from Justin Bieber's birthday party. "I had to tell Justin that it wasn't on and ask him to leave," owner Tom Berg told the Daily Mail. "We're sorry about what happened."
Has Lindsay Lohan visited? Come on...
Where? 9 Rupert St, London
What? Low-lit restaurant and lounge, which "sets a new benchmark of opulence and modernity", according to the website. Dstrkt was caught up in controversy last year, after two women were allegedly turned away for being "too dark" and "overweight". This led to protests outside the club. Dstrkt released a statement saying: "[This club] has always operated an anti-racist door policy and it condemns any type of racism or discrimination by customers or staff."
How much? A bottle of Cristal is £320
Decor? Imagine... the leather interior of your Uber EXEC car
Who hangs out there? Deep breath: Tom Cruise, Snoop Dogg, Sylvester Stallone, Drake, Afrojack, The Weeknd, Wiz Khalifa, Jason Statham, Sean Paul, P Diddy, Chris Martin, Jay Z, Pamela Anderson, Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, Rihanna, Justin Bieber, Gwyneth Paltrow, Nicole Scherzinger and Will Smith
Stay clear if...You a) like vowels b) can't text and c) don't like the DJ SBTRKT
Has Lindsay Lohan visited? Yes
Where? 59 Summer Row, Birmingham
What? Claims to have the dubious honour of defining Birmingham's clubbing scene and also of "setting and then raising the bar of experience and expectation as the city’s pre-eminent night-time venue." Have these people not been to Broad Street?
How much? A methuselah (six litres) of Belvedere vodka will set you back £995 but you can also buy a bottle of Pinot Grigio for £16.50
Decor? Imagine... that strip bar you accidentally walked into while inter-railing across Europe as an 18-year-old
Who hangs out there? The Only Way is Essex star Lauren Pope, Geordie Shore and I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! Vicky Pattinson and footballers Peter Crouch and Gareth Barry
Stay clear if... you're in Birmingham
Has Lindsay Lohan visited? No
Where? 44 Berkeley Square, London
What? Historic private members club founded in 1963 and still as exclusive as it ever was. The website says Annabel's is "arguably one of the most elegant clubs in the world." Hard to disagree
How much? The cheapest bottle of Champagne is the Ruinart Blanc de Blancs, which will set you back £125. But you can always get a cocktail for £16 if times are hard
Decor? Imagine... Oscar Wilde's drawing room
Who hangs out there? How long have you got? Over the years, Princess Diana, Frank Sinatra, Mick Jagger, Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell have all been spotted there. More recently, Mark Ronson, Daisy Lowe, Pixie Lott, One Direction's Harry Styles and Lady Gaga have let their hair down at Annabel's
Stay clear if... you like any of the following: T-shirts, sportswear, trainers, untucked shirts (!) or cowboy boots. There is a very strict dress code
Has Lindsay Lohan visited? Yes
Where? 67 Dean Street, London
What? First formed in 1764, the website describes Blacks, which is a private members' club, as a "bohemian drinking den"
How much? Worryingly, the Blacks website doesn't list drinks prices (though the cocktails are inspired by the Hogarth prints on the walls) but if you're hungry, the grilled veal rump with olive oil crushed potatoes, asparagus & salsa verde is a snip at £18
Decor? Imagine... a country pub but with none of the pesky mud
Who hangs out there? Avengers film stars Mark Ruffalo, Scarlett Johansson and Jeremy Renner were all spotted at Blacks together, while Keira Knightly is understood to be a member
Stay clear if... you are allergic to dogs. Blacks is a dog-friendly club, so expect tastefully-placed dog hairs in the cushions
Has Lindsay Lohan visited? Apparently not